A Simple Plan for Managing Anxiety in a Stressful Time

In this time of COVID-19 we have all found ourselves in, anxieties are high. We, as a global community, are encountering circumstances we have never faced before - a pandemic, home quarantine, inability to be with friends, family, and colleagues, etc. - and without a timeline for its progression. Uncertainty is aplenty and, where there is uncertainty, there can be anxiety. Taking care of ourselves, including learning to manage anxiety, may be more important than ever.

As the term implies, anxiety management is about handling and containing anxiety, not about getting rid of it entirely. This brings me to step one of my simple, four step plan for managing anxiety in a stressful time.

ONE. Lose the goal of being anxiety-free. This is goal is unreasonable, unrealistic, and sets you up to feel worse. Anxiety is a universal and appropriate emotion to experience in times of stress and uncertainty. It is an adaptive function of our brain, priming our bodies and minds to react to a threat in order to keep ourselves safe. In some cases, anxiety can even be a positive motivator. In other words, it does not need to be done away with. 

Make room for the more reasonable goal of anxiety management instead. Anxiety can be an uncomfortable and distressing emotion - so what to do we do with it when it shows up? While experiencing anxiety is universal, managing anxiety is a skill you can learn and implement. 

TWO. Accept what is happening in this moment. We only have 2 choices when it comes to our present experience - we can fight it, which often leads to greater suffering, or we can accept it. 

It is commonly said that Suffering = Pain x Resistance. 

Painful experiences - whether physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual - are an inevitable part of life. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. We will all deal with pain in our lives and, for many of us, that pain will come in the form of anxiety. When we fight or resist anxiety, it grows. Now, not only are we experiencing the original anxious thought, emotion, or experience, but we are also experiencing anxiety and distress about feeling anxious and distressed. That’s a mouthful, so what I’m saying in a nutshell is … distress doubles instantly when you fight it.

I know that anxiety is an uncomfortable experience, but, if we work toward it accepting it being there, we reduce our suffering. If anxiety is what you’re experiencing, accept that it is a part of your present experience. Accept that it is here, for this moment at least, and that it may come and go.

THREE. Reduce your engagement in unhelpful behaviors. In this case, that means anything that is (a) increasing your anxiety and (b) within your control. There may be many sources of anxiety in any given moment, but we can only do something about the ones that are within our control. For example, the fact that there is a global pandemic occurring is anxiety-provoking … but not in our control. Watching and reading the news all day long in order to hear everything there is to hear about the pandemic … in your control. 

FOUR. Add in or increase actions that support your mental health, wellbeing, and general sense of calm. Find what works for you here. This may be a process and it may involve trial and error. You might find that a coping skill that works for someone else doesn’t work for you. Or that a mechanism for coping you try helps momentarily, but has bigger consequences long-term. But, when you find something that helps, keep doing it.

Working through each of these steps is a learning process. Be patient with yourself as you practice this new way of being and facing anxiety. Working with a therapist who specializes in anxiety can help you implement these steps to address and meet your individual needs.

To schedule with Jessica, click here. Jessica Serber, LMFT is a psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, CA. Jessica specializes in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and its treatment, Exposure and Response Prevention. She also specializes in treating general anxiety, anxiety disorders, and issues related to self-esteem. You can follow her on Instagram at @yourmindisamuscle.